As I was saying thanksgiving is 2 days away and I don't know what I want to do about it. This is the first time in 25 years that I can remember that we are not having a big family dinner, but given what happened this year it's not a surprise. After loosing Grandma, and Papa is in Texas for the holiday. It just doesn't feel like a holiday. Part of me wants to make my family a big thanksgiving dinner, and have one for just the 3 of us here, but the other part is having a hard time with the idea of cooking some of the dishes that we have had for years, because they were dishes Grandma made and I can't bear the thought of making them with out her. Maybe that's why Pie crust is so hard, because she always made it and it was the best and I will never be able to make it as good as her. Some dishes I love so much, but just the thought of trying to make them is upsetting. Sage dressing, Always on our holiday table was her favorite dish, it sounds so good, but seems so hard to bring myself to make (it's a very easy recipe). But it just doesn't feel right, without her. Cooking is when I miss her most, I loved being in the kitchen with her and helping peel potatoes, and chop and wash vegetables she needed, even cleaning, anything to help, I liked getting to her house early on holidays and being in the kitchen with her and now it's over. Part of me wants to start a new tradition with my family, but sometimes it is hard since it means letting go of the past and what we are comfortable with. Also this year it is hard to be very thankful with the bad things that happened, I know we all have reasons to be thankful, and Patrick is a wonderful reason to be thankful, but it is still hard. His birth is going to be bittersweet, because I won't be able to share it with her and her to see him. I will be happy to have him, but it will be bittersweet. As is most things right now.
I know that one day it will become easier to move on and start new family traditions, it just feels too soon now. Honestly if we didn't have children I would scrap all the holidays this year and wait till next year to try, but with a 2 almost 3 year old, Santa can't take a break because mommy is sad. It's funny, how things work out sometimes. This is the first year that I have all Andrew's Christmas stuff before December 1st. most of it is wrapped and in my closet waiting for Christmas, why? because it was something to take my mind off things.
I still don't know what I plan to do for thanksgiving, Kevin said maybe we should just put the money we would have spent on dinner and have a welcome home Patrick party after he is born. Maybe he's right, cooking at 39 weeks pregnant, doesn't sound fun and honestly I don't think I'd want to even if I were not. One year isn't going to do anything, I have to do Christmas, but thanksgiving is easy to let slide, and I think I will.
It's pouring outside right now. It feels gross, I have no idea what I plan to make for dinner tonight, maybe hamburger helper, something easy. I have a few projects around the house that need to be done, It just means getting my butt up and doing them instead of sitting here talking to you. So here is my list of things that need to be done and when I check back they should all be done.
- Finish laundry
- Finish folding diapers
- Finish sewing Patrick's Pocket Diapers
- Cut out a Cloth cover for Andrew and try sewing it
- Move the wine rack to kitchen
- Clean off shelf in dinning room
- Clean off bar
- Finish Cleaning Master Bathroom
- Empty Crib of stuffed Animals
- Do Dishes
- Clean Fridge
- Clean off book cases
- Repack for Hospital (I thing i have too much!)
- Clean extra kitchen cabinet
- Finish wrapping Christmas Gifts for Andrew
Sarah
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